sex with aussie guys

i've been told aussie guys are shit lovers.  girls who have been with European men tell me this.  i have had European boyfriends before and i have to say in comparison to them aussie guys are 'wham, bam, thank you man' types.  except they forgo the thank you mam!  it's more like wham, bam... see ya later.

my lover came around today not having had sex in weeks.  me neither.  at first he just wants to make out.  i'm ok with that but dubious.  so we're making out and he wants to take it further.  maybe i should want to too, i don't know?  but i don't.  kissing him is not turning me on because in the back of my mind I'm thinking 'why me'?  i want to know why he wants to be with me.  what is it about me that makes him desire me.  stupid too much thinking female brain.

while he was away he called me a couple of times and i asked him if he missed me and he said no, he's been too busy. though he must have if he's calling me right?  guys, i don't get them.

suddenly he's back and he can't get enough of me.  i figure he only wants me because i'm there, available.  i try and tell my inner voice to shut up but it won't. so he's trying to get my pants off while i'm trying to pull them back up again.  he's talking about how he really wants me, and after some minutes and me giving up the struggle he has his way.  before he climaxes he tells me he feels guilty because I'm not getting anything out of it.

utter bullshit really!  if he really gave a dam he'd fucking do stuff to me, for me, about me.  he'd be giving instead of taking.  so he climaxes and i'm left feeling used.  a part of me thinks i shouldn't be thinking like that.  i should be looking at it as giving something nice to my man because he hasn't seen me in a while.  instead of looking at it as me not getting something, i should see it as being giving.  i don't see it that way, in part because i hadn't wanted to have sex in the first place.  fucking men.

i don't know who i'm more angry at.  him or myself?

ok so not all our encounters are this shitty.  sometimes they're mind blowingly you beaut and wonderful.  every now and then this shit happens and makes me hate being a girl.  some hole for a man to stick his dick in.

this morning he woke apologizing for what he'd done.  saying he regretted his actions and wished he could undo it all so it never happened.  me too.

later on he gave me pleasure as a payback, said he owed me an orgasm.  he still wanted to get his rocks off afterwards but i held him to his word.