mistakes women make in bed

when i was first moved in with him our sex was frequent yet frequently lousy. we were like rabbits in every sense of the word. mr bunny doing it often but for short bursts while miss bunny gets nothing out of it. he was climaxing while i was constantly left hanging. for one thing he didn’t engage in foreplay and i “expected him to think like a woman” and know this was a necessary part of the whole love making experience. i expected him to know that mentally i needed to feel loved in order to make love – unlike him who needed to make love in order to feel love. i expected him to know that without foreplay there was no 'love making' ... it was just sex .. fucking.

i never really had any trouble with “not showing him my sexual energy” and “not experimenting with sex”. i instigated sex all the time like an orgasm starved nymph, trying this position and that place. doing strip tease dances. wearing sexing clothes, strutting my stuff like a brightly coloured peacock, molesting him at every turn. and i was rarely “being too gentle when touching his penis”. i wanted him and i wanted him now. but what i really wanted was an orgasm, to feel connected to him physically, mentally and sexually. for him to play with me, get me wet and excited and be in me as we climaxed in unison. if only he got me mentally and connected with me physically then we could mesh sexually. that is what i thought, though i had no way of knowing how to express this. i was “expecting him to read my mind” via my body language and moans and groans or lack thereof (as was often the case). i didn’t want to “criticize him” by saying ‘that’s not it”. 

in truth he was a rip your bra and pants off kind of guy, wanting to jump straight to it, wondering why i was pushing him away saying ‘i’m not in the mood’. when what i really meant was, i am in the mood but not ready yet. 

when i did finally bring up the foreplay issue and start talking to him about what i wanted, how i liked to be touched and how i’m having sex for the orgasm just the same as him, he didn't seem pleased i'd opened up to him. he told me his idea of passion was for me to throw him onto the bed and jump his bones, basically telling me i'm not meeting his needs so he won't meet mine. in short we both wanted or expected 2 different things when is came to sex. i would be happy to throw him onto the bed and have my way with him if he got me ready first or didn't assume i was already ready just because i was instigating. yes, i confess, i was not only “letting him take responsibility for my orgasm” but expecting it! as far as i was concerned, playing with myself to get myself to climax was him not fulfilling his manly duty. i also knew that if i started to do that then he'd expect that to always be the case, relieving him from foreplay duty for the remainder of the relationship. i wanted him to take charge of my climax. show me how skilled he is in getting a woman excited, ready.

i “controlled him by withdrawing sex”. the deal was if he engaged in foreplay he got sex. if he tried ripping bra and pants off and trying to enter me when i wasn’t ready he got knocked back. it was simple enough yet it did not resolve any of our issues. he didn't get the signals i was sending and did not listen when i explained what and why i was doing it. “not making up with sex after an argument” was a normal routine for us because the one thing we argued over, again and again and again was foreplay. we never made up. there was no making up with make-up-sex because he wouldn’t have engaged in foreplay to begin with.

we argued about this for ages. him refusing to indulge in foreplay, him only wanting quickies all or most of the time, him refusing to touch me or pay attention to me outside of the bed in anyway what so ever, then being all over me like an octopus once we were in bed. every now and then he would partake in foreplay, much to his own benefit as well as mine, and we would get jiggy-w'it and have an amazing time – leaving us realizing we really did enjoy each others hot sexy bodies when it came down to it. however, having done it once every blue moon he wanted his foreplay effort to be enough to last me for weeks, months. next time he wanted sex he try ripping the bra and pants off again .. and so the argument went around and round in circles with no resolution in site.

i can see that my expecting him to think like me and be able to read my mind were not productive in us having a good sex life. it is hard to explain the things you like and the things you don't like without him feeling like he's being criticized, although the thing that makes an amazing difference is not waiting around for the man to take responsibility for your orgasm. once you're both playing a role in this the pressure is lifted from his shoulders at least.